TheBiden.WIN

Things are starting to get serious here. I can’t tell you exactly where I’ve been or what happened over the last four days, mainly because I don’t remember, but the bits and pieces I DO remember are spotty at best. It all started when I went to go do some  damage control for a catholic priest friend of mine, Reverend Kevin O’Brien.  Now don’t let the name fool you, this is no Darby O’Gill “tweedlee dee give me me tord woosh” happy go-lucky-leprechaun type character we’re talking about, noooo this cat is coooler than a cucumber. Coooler than cool. Cooler even than a roach under the boardwalk with a 2-6 of Jack, Jack! He puts the “lick” in cath-o-lic know what I mean?    Let me spell it out for ya, fat! I like the hair sniffin, and he likes the face lickin. Don’t get no simpler than that. ANY way, us child creepos gotta stick together, and with all this Ghislane Maxwell hooey going on, ya don’t need to be a rocketeer sciencer to figure out that a LOT of us “higher ups”...

 Last week I mentioned I had obtained some video cassette tapes and a VCR so I could monitor the goings on between the old girl Kamala and some shady looking characters I laid eyes upon, but I couldn't get the rabbit ears I needed for my color television. I'm really bad with the tech stuff, see? So you know what I did, I got my son Hunter's girlfriend-niece to come help me. These youngsters are whizzes when it comes to tech,  and rubbing the hair on my legs Ab-so-lute WHIZZES!  Anyway, Natalie tells me that these were not video cassettes, but a new fangled thingamabob they call "hard drives", well let me tell YOU Jack! I don't know about "hard drives", but I DO know that I drive a hard bargain, and if there is  ANYTHING shady on these hardy boy drives, well old sister Kamala's gonna find out just how equitable old Joey-boy-Biden can be! And no, that's not a threat. I'm the nice tweeter. I don't do threats. Even if you see them with y...

 Wǒ xué dàole hěnduō. Wǒ liǎojiě dào zhè yǒu suǒ zuòwéi. Zhè shì tiàoshuǐ bǎn qū, wǒ shì shǒuwèi zhī yī, bù yǔnxǔ tāmen jìnrù-zhè shì 3 mǐzhǎng de bǎn. Rúguǒ nín cóng cèmiàn diéluò, nín huì luò zài nà gāisǐ de, gāisǐ de shuǐní shàng. Yùmǐ bàng shìgè huài jiāhuo. Érqiě tā jīngyíngzhe yīqún huài nánhái. Wǒ huíxiǎng qǐ nà duàn rìzi, yǐ zhǎnshì shìwù shì rúhé biànhuà de, zhè shì nín bìxū shǐyòng de dōngxī zhī yī, rúguǒ nín zài tóufà shàng shǐyòngguò Pomade, zé bìxū dài shàng yīng'ér mào. Suǒyǐ tā zài dǒngshìhuì shàng, bù tīng wǒ dehuà. Wǒ shuō,‘hēi, āi sī tè, nǐ! Líkāi dǒngshìhuì, bùrán wǒ huì shàng qián bǎ nǐ tuō xiàchē.’ Hǎo ba, tā xiàchēle, tā shuō,‘wǒ huì zài wàimiàn jiàn nǐ.’ Bài dēng jìxù shuōdao.“Wǒ de chē zhǔyào shi zhèxiē, dōu shì wǒmen shēnhòu de gōng wū.” “Wǒ de chē–zhè'er yǒuyī shàn mén. Wǒ bǎ chē tíng zài ménwài. Wǒ–tā shuō,‘wǒ huì děng nǐ de. Tā zài děng zháo sān gè tì xū dāo de jiāhuo zài děng wǒ. Bùshì kāiwánxiào. Yǒu yīgè jiào bǐ'ěr·lài tè·lǎoshǔ (Bill Wright M...

I would like to express my gravitude at your gravitude for my great achievement in ensuring the delivery of vaccines to every adult American by May of this year. My official "operation warp speed by Joe Biden and no one else" was a major major MAJOR success, especially now that all majors and generals will be transgenital.  Another thing I'd like to take credit for is the fact that the previous admonistrations  really waged war on the American worker for half a century. Look what they’ve done. Biden's Trumps’s policies destroyed 60,000 factories and killed four point, think of it, four point five million manufacturing jobs. We brought back 700,000 when they said, right, they said the magic wand, you can’t do it, manufacturing jobs are gone. I said, “Really? I don’t think so.” Biden  Trump championed the NAFTA disaster and China's  America’s entry into the World Trade Organization, which was a total catastrophe. That’s when   China  Russia started going up l...

So only 7141 latriots tuned into the White House youtube channel for my address you say? Well they're called latriots for a reason, Sally! Schedules and clocks are a product of white supremacy. They're about as racist as you can get, and that includes the whitest of white hairs on my dried up old skinny, sinewy, sun spotted legs! But the RayBans sure do make up for that ;) And ya know what else Sandra!? My people may show up late, but when they show up late they show up late in DROVES. Just like the ones at our southern border right now. There're tons of them, I mean TONS!! Forgive me. I'll go with the more metric/less American supremecist version. TONNES!! And you'd best be bettin your last silver dollar that THOSE latriots will be paving the way for another Biden VICTORY in 2024, unless old uncle Kamala has her way with me by then...  Anyway, I've also received words that there are record breaking numbers of unaccompanied minors at the border! It must be all t...

 Well folx, We're half way into my first 100 days in the Person of Color Orifice! Here is just a snippet of allll the things I've accomplished: 1. signed an executive order* 2. signed an executive order* 3. signed an executive order* 4. Facial reconstructive surgery 5. brain reconstructive surgery 6. mental capacity reconstructive surgery 7. signed an executive order* 8. signed an executive order* 9. signed an executive order* 10. signed an executive order* 11. bombed syria 12. invited a crisis to our southern border 13. signed an executive order* 14. signed an executive order* 15. signed an executive order* 16. signed an executive order* 17. signed an executive order* 18. signed an executive order* 19. record breaking number of unaccompanied minors at our southern border 20. spoke to my doctor about Cialis 21. built back better best bomb 22. signed an executive order* 23. signed an executive order* 24. signed an executive order* 25. signed an executive order* 26. finger b@nged...

Hey Listen Fat! You just blew my covers!! I PURPOSEFULLY film myself in front of a screen of color so uncle Kamala can't pinstripe my location at any given time! If you bothered to read my earlier posts you'd understand. My fears are as legitimate as my presidency. Maybe even moreso! actually, definitely moreso. Kamala is up to something shady as allll hayell, and I can PROVE... the thing!  On my 42nd day in office I wrote about my suspicions, and I took steps to get the evidence! REAL evidence. None of this sworn affidavit, witness testimony type of malarkey! This is no one horse my little pony show, this is real, legitimate, serious stuff, man! More seriouser than the record breaking numbers of unaccompanied minors showing up at our southern border. I will be releasing the evidentiary this week! So stay looney toons in for that! OK all you leopard rocking hornet jumpers! Until tomorrow, -KJB

 Nance? Are we ready? May I please take some ques-

Today I'd like to change things up from the ornery day to day, and make this about you the people. I passed a major bill and ted today, to help you get the 50 cents all you poor property stricken pheasants need to get through the next year or so, but I'm getting a LOT of pushback, so you tell me! What do you need? And I don't mean monetarily, it could be psychologilly, metafiscally, emotionery or even physical. (I'm pretty darned good with the physical, I taught Hunter everything he knows! - Except the gay stuff. I definitely did NOT have anything to do with that weird gay stuff he's into.)  I LOVE GAYS AND ALL THE GAYEST GAY STUFF THAT THEY DO. IT IS DEFINITELY NOT GROSS AND I HAVE NEVER EVER PUBLICLY BEEN AGAINST GAY MARRIAGE.  EVER !! Anyway, leave a comment. Tell a brother what you need, man! I can help you. let me help you. I can braid your hair if that's what you need? I've tried my hand at a weave a few times, and I am fixident that I can do a mean we...

 I avow. I actually have no idea what she's talking about, but I think I like it.

I'd like to thank you NASA for your invitation to tour the facilities, but you know what? I gadda warn ya, I'm like a poor relative. When I'm invited I show up! And you know what I think about poor people right? Nobody cares more about poor people than me. Poor people are just as smart and talented as white people!  But you’d definitely better hide that fried chicken at the next potluck there NASA, cuz I’m as poor as they come when it comes to fried chicken, and that colonels bucket is gonna be reverse colonized. In my colon, get it? hehe reverse colonized? I'm gonna poop it out. In my diaper. Old Jilly's gonna have to change it! Yessiree! That KFC is gonna be BLM’d to the moon and back by the time I’m done with it!  You’d also best be hiding that white meat. The thighs and legs won’t do. I’m a breast man. Just ask Tara Reade, she’ll tell ya all right hehe. Although in her case I was more interested in what was between the thighs. Can I say finger licking good on he...

Listen up folx! I've been in office for 44 days now, but that's a tad worrying to me, because the number 4 is bad luck to asian Americans, let alone two of them together... 44 so I'm just gonna skip a day today, for fear of waking the sleeping dragon and angering the yellow menace... ... ... Breaking: I'd like to officially apologize to the asrican anmerians. I've just been informed that my use of the terms "yellow menace" and "sleeping dragon" are "problematic af" I don't know what af means. Jill? What does af mean? Is it short for African? problematic Africans? let me tell you, Jack! If it's problematic Africans you're looking for, well you've come to the right place! I'd like to formally appease the Asian Americans I offended earlier, by offering up some problematic Africans as compulsory helpers. almost like interns. They could learn some good habits from those hard working Asian Amer... what? what's that? oh...

Hey listen fat! I am the president against racism. Not for racism, against bigotry. Not for bigotry.  (They taught me to do that in my presidual debate training. Insinuates the other guy IS for whatever you’re against. hehe. the blacks fall for it EVERY time!) Anyway, drawing humans as caricatures is about as racist as you can get, Patty! Even if you draw caricatures of whites right alongside the caricatures of other races, it’s corplerely unacessable. Periodt with a capital T! Now I know, I know. A lot of you will say things like "oh but gee willickers uncle Biden, Dr Seuss was actually against racism, and wrote several books about it", oh yeah? Well I say that's a load of MALARKEY! If I was a racist, but wanted to sell lots of books, I'd pretend to be not racist too, ya bunch of roaches! Come on, man!? The guy wasn't even a real Doctor. Not like my beautiful, nice smelling sister Jill! Now THAT'S a doctor I can get behind for the hair sniffing ! Now, all thi...

Now remember I mentioned back on day 3 of Kamala's pres... errr my presidency that I was beginning to suspect Kamala of blackguardly doings? or sorry... pocguardly doings? Well turns out I wasn't far off. I've received word from an unnamed source that she has been slowly preparing for my complete mental collapse. And she has no reason to think I'm suffering mentally! Why I'm fitter than a lady fiddler. but anyway, remember I told you there were odd characters I saw coming and going from her office? well let me tell you Jack! Those were no Johns! I spotted one outside my window last night, and he was wearing sunglasses in the dead of night! I saw him hand off a note to another man in black. At first I thought they were my secret service, but before they did the handoff they each lifted a cuff and flashed an odd tattoo. A weird crescent shaped dealy intertwined with what looked to be a backwards number. Anyhoo, I checked with security this morning and asked for the VC...

You know what? sometimes I’ve just about had it. Uncle Kamala is nagging me endlessly, my sister Jill is calling me her husband, my son B-I-Bicky-Bi- Beau Beau Beau is haunting my dreams, and my other son Hunter is smoking crack in his loosey beigies in the Oval Office. It’s too much. Listen fat! Everyone needs a little me time every now and again, so today I'm gonna kick back and take some time to relax. I mean realllllly relax. South east asian massage parlour style, ya dig? I like to support women owned businesses of color, and let me tell you fat, there are some miiiightily colorful characters you come across in those places... But I’ll let you know how it goes  Ok all you snort mouthed tickle gobblers! Until tomorrow, -KJB