TheBiden.WIN

Well all you dog faced pony soldiers, I've done it. They said it couldn't be done, but old Joey has done it. I have officiously cured the white patriarchal misogyny American virus, Covid 19. I was gazing over my VERY full to do list for tomorrow, seen here: when it struck me! The running tally on the left side of the computer TV has 0 new cases and 0 new deaths!!! This is a clause for celebration! Santa Clause! Hey Judith, fetch me my slippers and that bottle of pesto dismal we've been saving!! It calms the stomach in times of high excitement, and lord knows I haven't been this excited, since corn pop bit the bullet and gave into my sensual advances. Not that I'm a queer or anything, although no one, NO ONE, fights harder for the queers than me, Janet! Ya hear!? NO ONE!!!!  I mean, I'm not surprised that I've cured the covids, but I just didn't anticipate achieving the climax of... you know... the thing... the climax of the thing SO DAMNED SOON!  Well th...

Listen Jack, I am Syria-sly bombing Syria, and if you don't like it, well then YOU AIN'T BLACK! black people love it when I bomb Syrians, cuz that's what us democrats dooo man, and we're on the side of the noble savage that is the African American.  what? what's that? we don't use that term anymore? OK my bad...  We're on the side of the noble savage that is the colored American.  What? oh.... wrong one? oh ok. well Janet, what do you expect me to do!? My meds are too expensive from all my new executive orders, mannnnn!!! I'll just distract them with some of that rap music the young blacks like. See? I'm hip to your jiiiiiive man!  well all you tether brained jockey loggers! Until tomorrow, -KJB

 I am extreeeemeley busy tomorrow. Take a look at my official shedjewel for the day. Notice anything interesting on there?? It's plain as the nose on Kamala's avatar looking face! I will be having a LOT of pool time tomorrow, and let me tell YOU, Jack! It's been a loooooong time coming. I haven't had the opportunity for a good old fashioned against grain leg hair rub since before the United States systemic white supremecist patriarchy virus took ahold of our grey nashun! I'm too old and too tired to pass up an opportunity like this, so I'll be having multiple dips in the pools of our brothers. And our sisters. United. the black ones in particular. I just learned what a roach is in fact.   OK all you gazelle nosed smurf bangers! Until tomorrow, -KJB

Listen fat! A lot of you are out here hootin and a hollerin and runnin your durned mouths about my secretary of health and her opinions on hormone therapy for children. Well first off, let's address the elephant in the room. Her penis. to quote my predecessor, it's "YOOJ!" And that makes her ALL the more qualified to be my secretary, because it guarantees that I won't have another Tara Reade situation on my hands if ya know what I mean. I prefer my women to have orifices for the groping ;);) Yeah you know what I'm talking about Jack! Oh... oh wait, I'm getting a voice in my head-errr my earpiece. Off topic. Steer to climate change. The REAL travestory is the RAPE of our secretar.... er climate. Mother Nature can't go on much longer and YOU all need to start paying attention to YOUR actions in regards to climate action, rather than madame Levine's actions in regards to you children's junk! She is a stunning brave gorgeous merman and I will NOT h...

Yesterday on accident the house and the senate, uhhh senate repuffle-pelicans PELICANS and intelligence comit com intellerence comedy partnership agreement with the aggregate agreement for pathwz towards indianship. Docuementing instituates of the indigenous zone.  We’re opening more summer camps for er the th the them kids over yonder. Not cages! Boxes. Shoebox camp. Tents and showers. Lots of showers. Build the wall! Ok champ you go get them. Jill! My sister jill needs to come get me now.  Ok you hair handed kitten waters! Until tomorrow, -KJB

Today I am very pleased to announce the reversal of a very problematic federal enforcement action, put in place by the Trump adminiration. Aperition Jim- Jiminy- Jimmy F-Falon Talon. Operation Talon Operation Falon was an action targering convicted sex offenders in the country illegally. This was unacceptable.  1: NO ONE is illegal. It is a physical IMPOSSIBILITY to be in this country illegally.  2nd: Being a "sex offender" is an identity that for too long has been shunned by the mainstream. We are progressives, man! We need to open our minds, hearts, and orifices to these unfortunates who for too long have been mocked, ridiculed and in many cases even been incarcerated, for the simple fact that they're living their authentic lives. C: Under my admonishration our core goal for this country is unity. Always - unity. let me lower my tone now to that of a gentile old grandfatherly type figure who is speaking wisdom to the children sat in a semi circle before him. unity. we m...

Is that a court in your pocket, or are ya just happy to see me? hehe That's right latriots! The Supremmis t-t tennis- t-preme court has been in my back pocket alllllll this time! hehehe. I kill myself (and Seth rich).  Wellll... China's back pocket, anyway. But what's the difference at this point? and before you answer that, DON'T BE A BIGOT! The courts have officially torn up the constitution in order to help bring down the orange tyrant! ( who peacefully stood down with no resistance whatsoever, but we won't talk about that here.)  He offended our tender fee fees for the LAST time! Now we'll go over his taxes with a fined toothed honeycomb and look for ANYTHING we can to LOCK UP 45!!!!! Did you think we could just let this go after preachments failed again? Come on man? Don't be so naive, mannnnnnnn! Wait... what's this? Hit the road Jack, are you kidding me!? sooooo.... you're saying that every president's taxes will become fair game after thi...

It’s an obsolete trajectory what’s happening in Texas right now. My heart replacement goes out to those who have lost loved ones and I pray to the catholic god that I really do follow RELIGIOUSly, that their families have pieces in these tr-t-tying chimes. Now... I don’t want to place blame on anyone here, but this travissy could have been avoided. If Texans hadn’t have turned their noses up at the Green New Deal, I would’ve been able to throw alllll sorts of money at their power problem, but because they wanted to stick to that HORRIBLE HORRIBLE oil based life, I couldn’t release restrictions on their power output, as that would’ve resulted in the entire planet earth sliding into the ocean and turning itself inside out! How am I as your presidenté supposed to allow that to happen, huh!? And now we have this to show for it.  Every last one of those dead Texan/Americans is another mega ton of carbonated released into the ariesspears, and there lies the true tragissy of it all. Well ...

Well this is just full on Malarkey-ville. Now dig this man: Australia recently ran a hit piece about yours truly, your fave old Joey boy Biden. I’m a harmless old man, and if I’m honest? I’m too old, sick, and tired for this. Listen fat! My mental fitness is that of a 500 lb trans woman with AIDS on antidepressants, and let me tell YOU Jack, I can’t think of anything, ANYthing more stunning, brave, and HEALTHY than that. My cognitive incline is nobody’s business but mine and my dementia specialist, ya hear!? What a bunch of hooey. Huey Dooey and Louis are a couple of baaad dudes. They run with a mean crowd. Corn pop among em if you can pick up what I’m puttin down maaannnnnn  What was I talking about? Oh yes. PATHWAY TO CITIZENSHIP! Ok all you kitten armed manitee roamers! Until tomorrow, KJB

This administering is proud to pronounce a new initiative to help the blacks and the browns learn how to internetting.  I myself as a silver haired octogenarian have struggled in the past with internetting, and I even have the grand wizardly privilege of being white! So I can’t begin to    imagine the struggle, and how difficult internetting must be for the lowly blacks and spanishics!  They need our help folks. So my proclamation is that my son’s girlfriend-niece Natalie, who often helps me with the tech side of being presidenté, like the facebooks and the youtoos and the instantgrams, will be in charge of teaching the blacks what a computer is. You know as the saying goes “teach a man to fish, and you’ll add to global climate change”. And THAT is why the green new deal. Oy, my head hurts. I think the pills are wearing off. Janet? Kamila? Where’s my sister wife? Ok all you lanky swanky filibustering petes! Until tomorrow, -KJB

Now look here, Jack! There’s been a whoooole heck of a lot of buzz around the computer net, talking about me taking a vaccine shot waaaay back in the dog days of December. Well listen Fat! That’s a load of malarkey!! And I’m here to set the record straight! Straighter than my son Hunter taking a duck lipped selfie in a cupless jock strap with nothin else on underneath, ya dig?! It don’t get no straighter than that, fella I tell ya wut! Now that shot... it was no vaccine. The first one was my dopamine shot, so I can stay alert during press briefings and whatnot, but the other one was... you know... the thing! That weird thing my son needs to ween off the smack! I was taking a test shot for him to prove it’s safe! We needed him looking a littttle less disheveled for my swearing at ceremony, since there were so few guests expected.  That folks, is the cold limp facts! And you can take THAT to my offshore bank accounts. Ok all you jockstrap laden monkey pushers! Until tomorrow, -KJB

Hey listen fat, Olllle Chrissy's got some beautiful BEAUTIFUL youngsters that she freely posts all over social media. Why WOULDN'T I want that perfectly curated plethora of child... uh... errr... child...hood happiness running through my feed... (and my mind...)... (and my nostrils)... Hey Chrissy old girl, If ya ever need someone to watch those youngsters of your'n while you and the Legend Johnny have a date night, you know where to find me. Uncle Biden's got PLENTY of room on his knee for them lovelies. They can rub the golden hair upon mine legs, til the cows come home, ya hear!? Listen you porcupine poaching hog hustlers, I've Gotta jet, so until tomorrow, dear ones, I remain faithfully yours, -KJB

Hey man, I don't understand what the problem is you all at the Daily Caller have with my statement here... By gum, it's the durnedest tootinist most honestest I've ever been in my whoooole life, or my name ain't Honest Joe! No malarkey here folks! Why can't you just take a nice, tired, sniffley old gentleman at his word anymore? Anyway, me and sister Jilly have to turn in. Looooong day tomorrow, and this hotel ain't gonna clean itself! OK all you pussy footed sabre rattlers! Until tomorrow, -KJB

I am officially repealing the trans mountain pipeline ban in the military! We need oily troops on the fracking grounds to protect our great nation of the Canadian states of Armenia!. I’m joseph trudeau and my donkey whistle to the racist south will see an un presidented return to civility between our greta thunberg first nations! I struggled with transitioning to the white house myself, so I fully understand the snuggle. And the castor oil in my hair and nighttime vitamins speaks volumes about my love for the oil industries, so LEARN TO COAL! Nat King Coal was a merry old soul, and that’s cuz HE WAS BLACK! He returned the sooooul to me which I in turn will return to these united arab conglomerates! Well all you dark horsed whiskey snifters! Until tomorrow, -KJB

Listen Miriam, there is NO one more honester than olllllllle honest Joey Joe! I'm the honestest of the honesters, and honestly? My people don't look none too kindly on an insubordinate lass such as yourself. If I'm gonna have to settle for a middle aged woman, wellll you'd better bet your bustle sweetheart,  that I prefer them to be submissive. Now don't get me wrong, Marion, you've  DEFinitely got hair for the sniffing, but as your new supreme dictator and King of America, you can't go around writing hit pieces about me like this, ya dig Mariah???  Now go on home before I have go and do something unpleasant like another Seth Riching!  Sorry folks. I really don't like to have to be a hard ass like this, but sometimes you gotta know when to drop the hammer... or flood the new development with concrete and interns... OK all you whipper snapping mountain trouts! Until tomorrow, -KJB

 I alllllllways new the old dog faced pony soldier was a quitter!!! Ever since our fling back in Nam, when he whispered oh so tenderly into my ear "How am I gone quitchyoo, Joey?" Yes, you heard that right Jack! Me and Donnie used to be quite the hot ticket item back in the heyday of my youth! ....mmmmm...       yooouths.....      mmmbut I digress. Now. Where was I? Oh yes, me and my boyfriend Trump - - But wait!  My sister Jill just stepped into the Oval Office and saw what I was writing. She says I'm confused again. What is this "again"?!?!?!?! I'm never confused! I am a straight razor totin' sound of mind individual, Ya hear!!???!?!?! Anyway, I'm Biden my time til old trumpy and me can spread the equitable fruits of our progressive love, without facing backlash! Or HATE!  Well all you pony haired facial doggers! Until tomorrow, -KJB 

What's happenin' man? I just thought I'd drop a quick post to let you all know that I, Josephine R Biden, have a shop button on my official website.  I thought some of the items I have for sale were a little too reflective of my dementia outbreak at the time, but thought I'd share them with you to help end the stigma around the mental deterioration of world leaders. First up: This snappy looking t-shirt is My take on the American flag. This is exactly what my vision is like when I'm suffering from an "episode", but then my auntie Jill Biden tucks me into bed, and 48 to 96 hours and a few shots of dopamine later, and  I'm right as rain! Next: The "Kamala is a black transexual" t-shirt. Speaks for itself, really. A testament to the inclusivity and equity of my administration. Third on the list: we have the "learn to code" of our administration. I'm cutting your oil jobs, so you'd better start learning how to mine coal, latriot...

Well Latriots, fear not! It's your guy, Joey Boy Biden here to rescue you and your country. Let me lay this out for you reeeeeal straight, Jack! I'm a straight razor totin', long gun shootin', rootin' and a tootin' man's man, ya dig? So here's my plan: I pledge to hold hands with EVERY LAST KLANSMAN I can get my soft, silky, slender, baby blue veiny mitts on, ya hear!? By showing indiscriminate love for my fellow man, rather than just the attractive young ... very young... very VERY very young women I've been known to "show a fondness" for in the past. I will also work on Budget reconciliation", which is a process that allows for passage of legislation with only my vote in the Senate, rather than 60 votes in the senate that would be needed if the opposition filibusters. By allowing me alone to decide, you can guuuuuuruntee I'll be making the most equitable, diverse, and racially disproportionate decisions possible. Your Daddy knows...

I mind the time I told ye... I believe it was a couple of weeks back, that I’ve been growing suspicious of that old black lioness, my sister Kamala Harris. I was warned that she may try to pull the rug out from beneath me and make a presidency all her own. Although she’s used to things being pulled out from beneath her, I fear she’s learned from the best. There were some strange men, I ain’t talkin three letter agency types... let’s be real Jack! Those are MY guys... but yeah, there were some shifty looking characters seen leaving her office, and I swear ta the almighty gad, they gave me a stank eye that could peel the paint off your suspiciously killed spouse’s casket! I’ll be keeping y’all apprised of this situation as things transpire, but let’s hope it’s just the dimentia creepin out.  well all you polka harping monkey badgers! Until tomorrow, -KJB

I Joseph R Biden the second esquire jr the third and a half, must every now and again forfeit my great platform in favour of a woman of color. Preferable a black woman of color. Trans would obvs be a great bonus, but today we're taking what we can get. I'm giving my brother, Maxine pad blue liquid Waters an opportunity to address the baseless and unfounded claims for which there is no evidence, that she incited violence against Trump and his supporters. Take it away, Mad Max! Well! There you have it, patriots! My wife Maxine is as innocent and pure as the freshly driven snow if the snow was black. Which it quite possibly will be soon, since one of my climate plans is to have my old pal Billy Boy Gates sprinkle the atmosphere with millions of tonnes of tiny particles.  WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG???? Well all you hair legg-ed body maimers! Until tomorrow, -KJB

Welp, unlike your previous president, orange cheeto small hand face as I like to call him, or "fawty figh" as my ever loving wife Maxine Waters liked to call him, I will be spending my Sunday working HARD for ALLLLLLLLLL Americans. You can see my jam packed official schedule for the day below: I tell ya, fat! I am just run ragged by all the presidenting I am doing! I've said it before, and I'll say it again... It's harrrrd man! Almost as hard as Hunter's peepee gets for big burly black men, and pictures of himself in a jockstrap, minus the jock 0_o   (<------My son's girlfriend-niece Natalie taught me how to emoji) Well all you pizza armed triceratops dusters! Until tomorrow, I remain your faithful servant, -KJB

Jiminy cricket! today when the shark outtakes from the show mr ed when I was young in the town with, you know, the thing! And my wife maryanne said the sausage horses ride like the wind, Tonto! Old Sabu, he knew what was going on. Going on and on like my teacher sally teaching me lessons. Where is my cane? You took it again william! Have my sister Jill give him a wallop! Box his ears up right! My mom is coming for tea again. The old bat! Bat soup china virus. They said I couldn’t do it. Well, I did it JACK! And you can take THAT TO MY OFFSHORE BANK ACCOUNT!! -KJB

America can’t afford to be sitting on the sidelines anymore, we need to be front and center on the world stage, and guess what my fellow Americans... America is BACK!!  Can you feel it man?  Diplomacy is BACK! Can ya dig it Jack? Decency is BACK! Hey listen Fat! Sending pallets of cash to Iran is BACK!! My Ray-ban’s know it, Sucking China’s peepee is BACK!! Glory hallelujah, Barack Hussein Obama is BLACK!! I’m the greatest catholic ever and abortions for Africans are BACK!! Sing it with me brotha, Climate hysteria is BACK!! One more time for cornpop Eunuchs in the military is BACK!! Aren’t ya proud of my son? Hunter Biden is on his BACK!! And if you didn’t vote for this?  Then you ain’t BLACK!! Until tomorrow all you lard faced filigumbo busters, -KJB

Hey Hunt it’s the big guy here. I just wanted to check in on things cuz it’s starting to feel a little hot around these parts in the investigatory department if you know what I mean. Did you delete those pictures from your laptop yet? I heard rumours that the FBI somehow got ahold of it. Can you imagine!? 😂🤣 There’s No WAY that even CNN would’ve been able to resist reporting on that trainwreck during the election cycle 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Especially that one of you in the jock strap. Ooooohie! Yowza! That sitchyashun woulda been hairier than the dried drool patch stuck to your cheek in the crackpipe picture!  Anyway, just wanted to see if you had my next CCP payment ready. Lemme know when I can cash the checks. Big Bopper over and out. Siri send.  Hey siri, send... Siri?  Sir- OH F*CK!!! NATALIE GET OVER HERE STAT! HOW DO I DELETE AN INTERNETTING????

  I feel compelled today, as a cis, white, sometimes heterosexual male, to offer up my platform  to a young woman of color, with extremely sniffable hair.  Alexandria Ocazio Cortez has been accused of lying about her whereabouts the day of the BRUTAL, HORRIFIC, RAPEY attack on our hallowed capitol building. Well today she addresses these lies in her own words: Don't forget folks, my sister Kamala always reminds me to BELIEVE ALL WOMEN! unless they accuse yours truly Well all you sword armed donkey punchers! Until tomorrow. -KJB

Now look here, fat! A number of you young her-men and wohermen have been getting downright peeved at Ole Joey here for reappropriating funds for climate action. Look. I know that farming is important, but did you know that for every leaf, potato, plant, or herb that dies, a whole metric bunch of carbon is released into the atmosphere? Wellllll not on MY watch, Priscilla.  We’re reappropriating the funds because my niece Kamala tells me that appropriation is bad now, and in fact it’s a product of colonialism and white supremacy, so all you white supremecist slave driving farm persons, get this straight! That ain’t gonna fly, ya dig?? Not while uncle Joey Bide Bide is in office, no sirrrreee bob! now where is that money going you may ask? Well like I said Jack! It’s going towards climate action, so a portion will be going towards dick chopping, another even bigger portion will be going towards person of color dick chopping, another portion will be going towards killing babies, and a ...

Well Latriots, the unthinkable has happened. I have been banned from social media giant TheDonald.Win Can you imagine anyone, let alone the presidenté of the gall-danged United States of the Americas (yes we've renamed the United States to be more inclusive) being silenced, censored, and outright banned by a social media platform? I mean, come on man! This is the pubic square where we should be free to exercise our freedom of expression! It's ab-so-lutely unHEARD of! Listen fat, if you don't believe me, here's all the proof you need right here: I mean, this is ALMOST as much proof we had of Trump's collusion with the Russians! And blow me down, if sharing the daily blog posts of America's most beloved presidenté of ALL TIME (uh hello 800 billion Biden votes) then I guess I'm guilty as charged!! no no no! Not of the Ukraine stuff.... Just of thedonald.win accusations. Well man, as I've said to good ole cornpop many a time, beware of becoming those you pr...